Incommunicado

Now my lip is bruised from trying to choke it back. I hate how ugly they make me look. I hate the shade of crimson my eyes turn. This is truly isolation, not even being able to call someone who could talk some sense into you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

But I almost really believed that you would be there to talk to me when I got back. I was almost looking forward to it.

I wonder it has something to do with the holes in my sneakers. When I walk through the rain, the water gets stuck between the rubber of my sole. I skip over puddles, and tip-toe down sidewalks, but my feet are always wet, and I am always cold.

Or maybe its the hair in my face. Its so shaggy I can move it from side to side. I can hide behind it in class. I use it as a pillow, as a place saver: "My Armor," Jeffy might have said once.

I'm not watching him scream bloody murder in a parking lot in Lowell. I'm dreaming of the mountains, and of moving home to Asheville.

Breakfast Cerial Enthusiasts

The only time I've ever seen Luke run, is for the puddle before the canal bridge on Pawtucket Street. He waits for a gap in traffic, braces himself, then sprints past it. If he didn't, he would surely be soaked by the tidal wave that the passing cars spin up.

It reminds me of driving to Oak Grove in my red car, 17 years old. By the time I had walked to the T, it was pouring rain and I showed up to work soaked, hardly saved by a stranger's shared umbrella. I went home early that day anyways.

My job was so safe, my life was so certain.

Now I'm choking back tears so Paul wont hear me cry over a cellphone, over my limited capacity to understand accounting. Maybe I'll see things different when the sun comes out. Every day that it gets pushed back, my head hurts, my heart yearns.

Its a long way down from the branch where everything is balanced. I'm eating chex out of sandwich bag on the way to class wearing a purple rain jacket. It looks like someone spilled milk on the sidewalk, or maybe that's just Lowell.

Hello Stranger

I'm searching for rooms in different states...keyword 'vegan.' Somewhere bigger: I'm too big for my bathtub, to small for my jeans.
I'll bring a pillow for your head and my feet. I'll curse block lettering. I'll skip class, and homework, and...oh god, I'm not transitioning well are I? What am I? A student, or a traveler?
If it is going to disappear, maybe I should too? I am ever going to be happy in one place? Will I ever settle?
Maybe its the rain, or the real estate prices in the Carolina's. Maybe its the contempt I feel when I tell someone I don't feel right, or the overwhelming complacency from all of my friends. I could give up my car, be happy doing some shit job. Is this degree even necessary? Or should I just start my life...
College has given me direction, but my compass is out of whack. What part of this country needs me, and do I yet have the tools to do what I need to? Or is it just the vision?

There Are No Bike Punks in Miami

"What does it take to get one of those little yellow lights down there?" I would certainly say if I was a bird flying high above the greater Miami area.

When I was 14, I was reading a fantasy novel on an airplane inbound Miami International Airport, my family on either side of me. I was scratching my neck because the stagnant air irritated me. Someone should have given me Dramamine (then I wouldn't be crying in your arms right now). I woke up sunburned on the beach.

I'm 19 and I can do things by myself, like reserve an airplane ticket. I could call anyone, just to hear the contempt in their voice, but I'm calling Joe, just to hear his accent...and maybe to pretend that I'm 300 miles to the north.

I'm probably just bitter at the cost of a sandwich or the lack of vegan choices in a place so full of glamor. It might have been too loud to take a good nap on South Beach. It may be too crowded in paradise for me to see the beauty. Isn't it the people that make a location so great?

Tour Pt.9

Tour Self Portrait/Going Home.

I'm back in my dorm room. Its been 4 days since I've showered. I'm tired, I have homework to do but I've been editing pictures all day, reliving our east-coast tour. Undoubtedly, we'll be on the road again soon, doing some kind of similar route. We're releasing a split 7" with the Gnarly Whales, which we will be touring to support.

We played in New Brunswick, New Jersey last night with the Frontbottoms. They played in Lowell a little while ago and I coordinated with Brian to set a show up. They are so good. Tyler and I agreed, Brian has a really interesting way of describing things in his lyrics. They have awesome energy. I hope they come back to Lowell soon.

After we left Virginia Beach, we got to drive over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge/Tunnel. The Eastern Shore is a weird area of the country. That's where Purdue murders Chickens. People become slaves to Purdue when they agree to raise chickens for them. They take out extensive loans to build the chicken houses and pay gigantic percentages of their income to Purdue in order to pay off the loans. Any updates or maintenance is payed for by the Chicken Farmer and anything done out of line puts them at risk for breaching their contract. Its like share-cropping, except completely condoned by the government (mostly cause Purdue is far more wealthy than the US gov). Its a land of old plantation homes, with acres and acres in between each one. I suppose they feel awfully isolated from the rest of the state out there. There is also a lot of poverty around there and I get the feeling it is the beginning of a corporate takeover.

On a lighter note, it was a really beautiful drive. I was sad to be heading north, away from all of our new friends and wonderful memories. I really hope that some of the bands we played with on tour will make it up our way. I know we're both dying to help people out.

I feel like we were the witness to the birth of some wonderful things for music on the east coast. I have my fingers crossed for the continued success of Internationalist Books, The Hangar, The Great Valley, Artman's Skate/Arcade, The Bathhouse and everyone else who helps make music accessible to everyone. Music builds communities and changes lives. Tyler and I are the luckiest people in the world to be able to tour and bring our music around the country. We wouldn't be able to do it without the communities that welcome us so warmly.

I don't want to be here in my dorm room. It's true that I would rather be on the road, but when I think about WUML, Mt.Vernsworth, the Sockhop, the Ant Cellar, Lowell and Behold, and all the fantastic things that are happening in Lowell, Massachusetts, I realize that we are no different then the places I mentioned above. We are community of people who love music. We want to hear it in Lowell, we want to make it in Lowell. This is our place, and our time to do what so many people around this country SHOULD be doing. There will always be a place for musicians to play in Lowell, and so long as I reside here, there will always be a warm meal and a floor for touring bands to sleep on.

That's all for now. Thanks again to everyone who helped make this tour a success. We weren't disappointed in a single show. I can't wait to hit the road again.

Tour Pt.8

Car Troubles/Sunburns:

We got up at 5 this morning to drive to Virginia Beach from Paisley, Florida. Tyler slept for the first couple of hours while I drove. I like driving in the early morning when nobody is on the road. The sun was rising as we went through Jacksonville on Rt.9A. We finished our Mary Higgens Clark novel. It was about a wealthy New Jersey estate and a few connected murders. Of course, the last person we expected was guilty of all the crimes.

In South Carolina, we got off the highway and coasted up the hill. Tyler looked at the dashboard and said, "oh my god, the car is off." I didn't panic...my red car did that once, "Okay, just turn it back on." When he tried the engine didn't turn over.

This was the beginning of a 4 hour adventure. My timing belt had broken, and the men at the garage told us it would be a while. We spent the time writing music. I'm glad Tyler wasn't freaking out. Bubaloo is my baby. She is my wheels... my independence: everywhere I want to go, and everywhere I need to be. I thought about how much I wish we were closer to Greenville when we broke down.

We thought we would have to cancel our show, but we made it to Virginia Beach. When we walked in, everyone clapped. It was good to be out of the car, and good to play our instruments.

Everyone here rules! We played with Folk the System, and now we're staying at Rusty's house. They have a snake, 2 dogs, and 2 cats. Jack, is a humongous cat. Lydia, and Jane are the doggies (Jane is a pitbull/border collie mix.... ridiculously cute). The also have a snake, Michelle. She hung out with me while I wrote most of this.

We're going up to New Jersey tomorrow. We have to get the oil topped off cause they lost a little oil in the process of fixing my car. Its idling a little funny, but running pretty smoothly regardless.

Okay I'm sleepy and I'm having fun...Goodnight!

Tour Pt.7

Porter, Tyler, and I hanging out before our 5 hour nap.

Artman's Arcade and leaving Florida:

I finally felt tired today. We drove from Orlando to Umatilla Florida, the town where Florida's Natural is packaged and manufactured. I hate factories, and now I'm afraid to drink orange juice (Especially after this kid Chad told us horror stories about new workers falling into the vats..yuck).

Artman's is wicked cool though. This guy Art opened a skate-shop and arcade in a town that has absolutely nothing going in it. Porter and Andrew from the Gnarly Whales approached him about doing shows there and he agreed. I'd consider him a convert in the effort of making local music accessible to everyone. The young people that go to his arcade also attend the few shows that have happened there. He enthusiastically told Tyler and I his plans for expansion, and how he wanted more music there. If there is a place to play, people will want to play. I think he is doing a great service to the town.

Tomorrow Tyler and I drive 13 hours to Virginia Beach. That is our longest drive. Porter made us linguini and vegetables tonight after our drive to Paisley from Umatilla. We'll have to get up at 5 AM tomorrow. I can muster, but I know Tyler will be sleepy. Not that that is a bad thing. Tyler and I complement each other's strengths and weakness'. This is why we make such a streamlined, efficient, and totally awesome team. I know I have the energy and optimism to pull through for the next couple of long days that we have.

I will write tomorrow, in whatever sleepy haze I am in!

Tour Pt.6

This is Gator. He's a Jack Russell Terrier, and the next animal in our great dog tour of spring break 10'.

Today was St. Patrick's Day. Tyler and I played as the Dreadnaughts in an Irish Pub in St. Cloud. I felt underdressed in my train tee-shirt and red cardigan. Everyone was in green: green shirts, green wigs, green sweaters....and eating corned beef and cabbage. We played the best that we could with only a few days of practice, and the lack of experience on my part. I felt a certain pride for my heritage as we played the classic songs of Ireland. There is a kind of joy about Irish Music. You can feel it throughout a room of people sipping on stout and laughing amongst their friends.

Tomorrow we'll be playing at a skate shop in Umatilla, Florida. We're holding up really well. I'm stoked on everything. I was thinking about how much I love being on the road. I could just do it forever.

(SC is totally still on my mind)

I'll write tomorrow!

Tour Pt.5

We're in Florida, and people are singing along. Thats a cool feeling.

Our show last night went really well. We were greeted immediately, even though we were hours early. We played really well (no broken strings). The whole night was a lot of fun.

Today we're playing Irish music in St. Cloud. I'm having a sort of anxiety attack, not being so comfortable on the tunes. It doesn't help that Tyler doesn't seem to have much faith that we'll do well either. This is going to be a huge help to us though so I want to pull through and make it worth their time.

Joe called me from the Hangar last night. I checked my phone and recognized the area code. I frantically rushed outside, pressed talk, and smiled when I heard his exaggerated southern drawl. He started in on his traditional prank call line. "It's too early to prank call me. I've only been gone 10 hours," I protested.

Last night we stayed at Andrew's new place. Florida smells the same no matter how old you are when you visit. Their dog, Gator, came in and humped my leg this morning....GOOD MORNING!

It was good to get a shower, and a little fresh air this morning. I'm glad we don't have to drive too much today. I'd like to do the East Coast again soon. Every show has been golden. I'm also glad I have a job again so that I can support this touring bug I have. I'm the luckiest girl in the world, the happiest girl alive.

Tyler and I are going to practice our set for later until our fingers turn blue.

Tour Pt.4

Haikus:

You love potatoes,

Tempeh curry sandwiches,

You remain this place.

Will you remember?

I'm scared I'm just passing through.

I will though. It's true.

South Carolina,

I am driving away from you,

Where's New England now?

Bubaloo is safe.

She ran 9 hours today.

She'll run me back home.

Couches and warm meals,

I'm not a stranger to you,

I'm in love with you.

Georgia, you're a peach

I'd stay, if not for the heat,

And the miles till sleep.

Maybe I'm sleeping.

You're on the phone with someone.

I wish it was me.

I am roving now.

Your voice echoes through my ears.

May we always sing?

Tour Pt.3

Welcome to the Hangar.

I wonder if I ever had any teachers that shared in my ideals, but were never in the capacity to tell me about them. I suppose its possible, seeing as those who teach are interested in nurturing young minds. I still long for adult companionship I guess. I still try and find teachers who will share conversation with me, push me in the right direction, and help me justify my overwhelming desire to equal the playing field.

Ryan, who booked us in South Carolina, made me begin to think about that. When he got home from teaching his 4th grade class, with groceries in both arms, I was already engaged in conversation about sustainable farming and the importance of small business'. He shook my hand and explained that the growing season began earlier in South Carolina and that he would make us dinner after he put some early-season seeds in the ground.

The Hangar is what it sounds like, I suppose: an old hangar, approved for residential space, with a kitchen in front, and a sort of bike-collective in the back. The walls are painted yellow and green, and multiple times per week, they invite local and touring bands into their home.

We were touched by their immediate kindness, and interest in us as people. Everyone who walked in greeted us warmly, and shook our hands. They had the best animals too! 3 dogs: Tuesday, Grace, and Rambo, and one cat: Moo Moo, who seemed to enjoy his playful fights with Tuesday. I can't tell if he really believed that he was feline, or canine. Either way, he shared in eating Apple Jacks with me.

Tyler and I played, what we believe to be one of the best shows we've ever participated in. Not that we even played that well (Tyler's guitar needs to be set up real bad and he broke 3 strings!), but the amount of support from everyone their was incredible. I only dream of shows where no one touches alcohol, and everyone watches all of the bands, and finds something about all of them that they like.

Later that night, I would be sitting at a kitchen table with Joe and Marcus telling them how much the accessibility of local music meant to me. I told them about the Artspace, and kids who would smoke/drink in the parking lot, and about the quarrels outside that led to the distrust of the Gloucester PD and eventually the town.

...Not the Hangar. The shows are well organized, and well attended, but everyone is there for the music. It's not a social event for people to get hammerfaced and rip butts in the parking lot. It is a genuine, earnest place for people to come and experience live music as it is meant to be heard, amongst friends.

It starts from the top too. The folks at the Hangar are ethically sound: vegan, straightedge, you can call it whatever you want, but they live healthy, and promote a healthy life-style just by doing what they do.

Joe, Marcus, and I walked to a dumpster about a mile and a half from their apartment. We raided the dumpster for bagels that Tyler and I could have for breakfast. Yeah we're are touring band, but how is it that the whole world has our back?

I've realized a couple things about music and community:

- Its vitally important to young people, but even more important to their futures.

- Always cook for touring bands.

- Ask questions. People want to talk about themselves...and, its how we learn.

- Open your door to strangers. Help whoever is there to be helped.

- Music is the glue that holds walls together.

- If you have shows, don't let them loose their true purpose.

- If you have shows, be there watching them... It starts from the top.

If I had to run away from home today, I'd go to South Carolina. I think Tyler agrees. We could have stayed there forever.

Today, we drove 9 hours to Orlando, Florida. We're playing at this hip little joint called the Stardust Video and Cafe. They made us an eggplant sandwich, it was delicious (but expensive).

The show is about to start any minute now so I will post later!

Tour Pt.2

I'm getting used to long car rides again. Leg cramps, head-aches, you get the drift. We tried to keep the drive interesting, but we've driven up the east-coast before. It looks like New England, despite the different chain restaurants, and trees emerging from broken down dump-trucks.

Tyler had a lesson in standard shifting during traffic this morning. It set us back 30 minutes or so. We stopped in Durham, North Carolina in the search for guitar strings. Apparently, there are no music stores in the entire state. From Durham, we drove down to Chapel Hill.

I was getting excited, we rolled the windows down, took pictures, and made car noises with our mouths....you know, fun tour stuff.

We played at Internationalist Books, this anarcho-book store in Chapel Hill. According to some of the volunteers, the founder was shot by some of the town-fascists. It was a cool little place though, with a great balance between independent literature, established, writings, local artistry, and zines. We played with two of the guys, outside in a round robin sort of setup.

Afterwards, we met up with my friend Dan and his friend Andy for pizza at this joint called the Mellow Mushroom. We got yummy veggie pizza (no cheese on my half). Now we're sleeping here for the night.

They have the cutest cat in the entire world!

Hanging out...I just got a shower, thank god.

The Hanger tomorrow night!

Tour Pt.1

I've found the Susquehanna, seen the Chesapeake Bay. So when we're driving down College Drive or Darby Street, it just feels like home to me.

On the road you develop a certain preservation mentality. My ears become attuned to my car. "Was it making that sound yesterday?"

When we got dinner in Connecticut at China Pan (omnom), on Friday, It had started to make this hollow clicking noise. Really, it sounded more like a mac truck than my bubaloo car. It hadn't overheated yet, so we turned the music up and kept going (in my mind, overheating is a sure sign of a breakdown, everything else is just the prologue).

We took the long way to Philadelphia: down I-287 and then U.S. Highway 202. It was pouring rain. We thought for sure we'd miss our show. We were playing a Haiti Benefit at Haverford High. When we got there, our friend Tim Sweeney met us outside and helped us run all of our equipment in.

Tyler would say to me the next day, "I still find it incredible that anyone could like us." We played the best set that we could after 8 long hours in the car with no time to stretch our legs. Still, afterwards, a bunch of people came to talk to us, buy our tee-shirts and our music.

We stayed the night a Tim's house.

In the morning I looked up auto mechanics on Superpages and found a place called Fay Auto Repair that had gotten really good reviews. I called ahead, explaining that we were just passing through and were worried about a sound my car was making. They told us to come right in.

It was a quick diagnoses, my ac compressor was corroded, and in the process of breaking. When it broke, it would break my belt and I'd loose all power to the engine. He estimated a new ac compressor would be about 1,000 dollars. I was beginning to accept the fact that our tour might not become a reality.

I was considering calling my dad when they proposed another solution. They told me they could reroute the serpentine belt so that it left out the ac compressor. I would loose my ac, but we could keep driving. Also, it was a 100 dollar fix. They were the nicest, and totally saved our tour.

By the time we got to Baltimore, the rain had subsided and blue skies were breaking through the clouds. I was elated, hoping we could avoid more rain and wet feet (we hadn't really packed properly).

We drove to Scott's house were he had cooked a vegan burrito masterpiece. He made saitan, which takes a real long time, TVP, a lime creme, and veggies. They were so yummy! Also we hung out with his dog, Dash, who is gigantic and adorable.

I have a better picture on my for-realsies camera. I'll upload it when I get home. He is seriously the biggest dog I have ever met.

The show at Scott's was awesome. Everyone who comes here is so supportive. I love to think that I can be so far from home and people are doing the same thing we're doing back in Lowell. Music is such a powerful tool that brings people together. We're the luckiest people in the world to be networking with the U.S.'s finest.

We played with Jawesomesaurus Rex (Scott's band), Boomstick, and Factors of Four (our best-band-friends).

Its 10:45 in the morning. Tim and Tyler are sleeping around me, Naomi is on the couch. We'll be on the road again pretty soon, headed to North Carolina. I'll be sad to leave Scott's, and to say goodbye to Naomi and Tim. But we still have miles and miles to go!

Defend Your Right To Learn

The Rising Cost of Education at UMASS Lowell from Ali Lipman on Vimeo.

Half-Moon Mouth, Caterpillar Lips

I've been avoiding my bed like a cat avoids water, seeking sleep in all the wrong places.

I woke up in a car, my head aching, my arm asleep, annoyed. It was cold and I felt heavy, like an anchor drawn into the seat. I couldn't escape. I needed to scream, I needed the car to go faster so that I could shed the evidence of my nightmare. When we got home, I pushed and pushed the weight out of the car. I used all my strength, my fists clutched shut, and my teeth barred to make it go away.

Once I was free, I didn't want to speak again.

5 things I am grateful for?

5. Elliott Smith
4. My Professors
3. My Family
2. Student Activists and PHENOM
1. Luke Steere

I love you it's true Haiku

At war with myself,
Then you walk into the room.
I love you, I know.