This is why it hurts so bad. I think about the friendships I have with people. While I sat, picking through pasta and string-beans, Nick stayed behind and talked to me while I cried. Tyler has held me, offered to save me, and driven in circles with me way past his bedtime, because I needed him. So when you ask if I need to go, it's true, I need to go. When you ask if anyone else had to do with it, I think Tyler is better, and stronger than that. I just keep going over and over our memories, trying to rectify the warmth they give me, trying to look back and see how wrong I was. How I should have been more patient, even though I was tired from doing my job. How I should have been more understanding. How I should have been a better friend to his friends. All I can do is learn. Learn to be a better friend, a better bandmate, and not drive away the people that mean the most to me. My head hurts.
It's like stubbing your toe. You just want to sit there and wince because it hurts too bad to do anything else.
