I sign contractual agreements I cannot fulfill. It is a classic behavior of mine: unreliability. I guess you could call me a flake. The secret that lives deep within my stomach lining tears at my heart. It makes me turn my eyes away from their questioning gaze. Everyone that cares for me needs to hear that I am okay. However, I'm running down the street, I'm smashing the window with my mind on the only one thing of value in that house to me. The only living reminder of my father's mother. It's something to keep me warm for the cold nights ahead.
Unreliable, but I would never punish them with the cold. Especially for something so small: something that you could hold in your hands, or wear on your body: something that could be returned or compensated for: something that hurt no one.
The glass will bite through the skin of my knuckles. I'll think of your face, your glasses knocked to the ground. How I prefer your dog. And that will hurt. You, yes physically, but mostly me for wasting my time, for being so weak, and for starting a fight with my anxiety that I'll always loose.
And I'm falling down over cold pavement and looking around but no ones there. I can see the bus back home, just not the home I'm supposed to go to.
3 comments:
i saw how you screwed over your friends and then your own mom asked you to come home for christmas you practically say 'fuck off' you dont mean anything to me, i'm going to be with people i took advantage of'
i thought we meant more and it was awful to find out that we're the 'reason' your not with your own family
it sucked to see that and i had to sayt something
image how that would feel
Wait, what? I'm with my mom, and it's Christmas. I came home to Massachusetts for two days to see friends, and then went to New Jersey to spend it with my family...like I've done for the past 20 years. Fuck yourself fuck yourself fuck yourself you stupid, ignorant, piece of shit. Don't pass judgements on my life when you don't even know what has happened.
Who is that twisted soul who wants to hurt you? Writing you on Christmas Eve...how sad.
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