Consent

I no longer see any point in learning out loud.

Once, I stayed home on New Years Eve and read an entire collection of short stories because I was too afraid to ask for what I wanted.

My most valuable possession is the body that I am in. Someone may ask permission to look through my record collection, or to borrow a book, but has anyone ever asked permission to touch me? Is silence consent? "No," has always come with guilt. For me, it is denying your partner of pleasure, and therefore happiness.

These are failed, one sided relationships with no thoughts to each other's boundaries, abuse histories, or triggers.

I can easily recognize signs of abuse in others, but I never looked for them in myself. I'm scared of feeling out of control. I'm afraid to say no...Terrified of saying no.

Sex has far too long been about connection and a gateway into the life of a chosen partner. I am confusing my feelings with my longing for the inclusion and affirmation that come with being part of a community or a group of friends.

The next step is learning respect in my relationships: respect for myself and for the boundries of my partner. After all, If you can't be happy on your own, how can you be happy with somebody else?