You Complain, you complain, you complain.

At some point as a child I learned to tune out the hard stuff: words spiked with poison, that come from a place of anger and pain. Being whipped around in my seat after a corner taken too fast, the feeling of his fist on my shoulder blade, teeth, knuckles, and the knife in the palm of my hand. I had to run to a place where I knew he wouldn't find me. I'm a coward, but he came after me, and I was scared.

This was the last time I saw him. This was our goodbye. Fitting.

A few days later I was sitting on a porch in Richmond. There was a girl with thick blond hair and almond shaped eyes wearing a black tee shirt and slacks. We talked about a lot of things, but somehow came to the feeling, the anxiety, and the confusion of blatant bullying. I see more of it in the south, where I don't look like other girls, and conformity is highly valued. She was telling me that I should pull out a little crazy, that I should get big, get mean, and stick up for myself.

I've seen guys get angry when their pride is injured. When a girl gets mad, she's a bitch.

I promised myself I would never get mad for irrational reasons, but sometimes I feel angry, and I put it in a box for later. So when I drop my cellphone on the pavement, or spill wine on myself, its like the world's ending. It's literally that small.

So a couple of things: If you think you can get sex out of a relationship you don't value, you're going to die alone. You're 26. If you think you can take advantage of someone for 10 months, but they're a bitch 'cause they're fed up, you're probably gonna die alone. If you think I'm a threat to you, you're just plain wrong. "It's what you do, not who you were, what you wear, or where you've been. So do something." You can dress a part, look a part, act a part, but deep down, if you're an ignorant southern boy, you're just that, and no one with any sense wont see through it. You could be the most amazing, kind person on earth, but if you're dating a manipulator who's taken control of you're relationships, you're just a coward. So what's the point? Make up your own mind.

That's pretty much everything I've been pissed about for a while now. I'm gonna try to be a little more selfish from this point forward.

In other news, I'm single, ineligible, and uninterested. I drove 12 hours in the last 2 days and loved every single second of pavement. Everyone everywhere that I've ever known are still my friends even if we don't talk that often (I know that seems obvious, but I just learned that recently...and thank goodness! Because it's the cause of a lot of my woes). I'm okay, and living in the South is actually pretty sweet. I have the whole country at my fingertips. The future is pretty exciting, and I have awesome friends.