I could never leave you.

I remember cursing under my breath as I knocked the comb off of the paper towels I had laid out, and onto the granite counter top. My hands were covered in blue and I was washing them vigorously, staining the sink as the color disappeared down the drain.

Blue is only eating blue foods this week.

I turned the shower on, waited until the water was hot, and then dove in. Blue splattered against the white-washed walls of the shower. Blue ran down my body in streaks, like blood from a bullet wound. There was a ring around the drain, like shower scum, permanent, something I'd never scrub off and I sat, letting the water pour over me, rocking back in forth.

I wasn't there anymore, I was so skinny, and none of my friends believed in me anymore. I was in Amherst, with a coke bottle filled with rum in my left hand, clinging onto Alex Daniel's with my right. I had a pen, and a green notebook we're I scrawled and scrawled as if no one had ever felt that way before. I was a graduate student, standing in Emily Dickinson's room next to her dresser, whispering frightening verse' about bumble bees. My song went: park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

And when I wake up, my hair is shiny and blue. I'm so cold, like a car that needs to be jumped.

The Only Person I Love More than my Boyfriend

Thelma and Louise

Something about this movie makes me miss my friend Kat. She would definitely drive off of a cliff holding my hand. I guess that was why I was smiling the whole time it was on.

For Ralphy, because I laughed at you.

Kennedy Keller was standing on her tip toes, peering out the window at the Susquehanna River. It was March 18th, exactly 4 months and 8 days from her 15th birthday, and just over 45 minutes since her brother had promised he would pick her up.

Ralphy, the handicapped boy, was in the foyer just across the hall from her. He was leaning on the door frame for support, staring out at the parking lot. It seemed as if he'd been forgotten as well but Kennedy didn't bother to ask. He was sort of a looming presence at Dugin High and no one, not even the teachers, seemed to pay him much mind.

"H-Hey Kennedy," he had mustered up the courage to say just a few minutes ago.

That's when she had turned around and noticed him standing there.

"Oh, hey," she mumbled, feigning interest.

She swung back around slowly and positioned her face against window so that she could see her reflection. Her mousy-brown hair hung over her face and the light seemed to wash out her freckles. "If I could stay in this world," she thought of her reflection, "I would be admonished." She let out small giggle and leaned further into the cool pane of glass.

To her surprise, it nudged forward a little bit. Curious, she pushed harder and was met with no resistance. The window swung right open, and she stumbled clumsily, searching for something to hold on to. She grasped for the sill, a futile effort to save herself, but it was no use. Her grip slipped and she found herself falling.

Kennedy closed her eyes. If this was it, she was sorry for whoever would find her, crumpled up in a heap on the grass below. She prayed that it would be the groundskeeper, and not her older brother. He would say, "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do, she was like this when we found her." Or, perhaps it would be Ralphy, the poor handicapped boy, that would find her. She could picture him in her minds eye, pathetically limping over to the open window, his long dark hair blowing about in the draft. She laughed then. A full, booming sort of laugh and opened her eyes.

She wasn't dead. In fact, to her complete and utter amazement, she was suspended in mid air. She reached her hands up and touched her face. Still real.

Then, as if it was something that she had been born in flesh and blood to do, she took off upward into the sky. Below her spanned the mighty Susquehanna river. She laughed, letting the sound of her voice expand outwards.

She swept past the trees near the school, budding in the warm spring air, and down, as close to the water as she could get without skimming her toes. This is when she thought of Ralphy.

"Ralphy!" She exclaimed out loud to herself, "If he only knew that he could fly! He would never have to walk again," and then more quietly, "he would be as good as normal."

With a new found purpose, she sped back to the window that she had fallen from. He was still standing in the foyer, as if nothing had happened.

"Hey Ralphy!" Kennedy said, "I want to show you something. You'll have to promise you will trust me though."

He looked at her inquisitively. He was wearing a red tee-shirt with blue sweatpants. She had never noticed how dark his features were before now. It was if he never slept. His face was drawn out and sad. She shuttered as he took a hesitant step in her direction.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You'll have to see for yourself," she was impatient with his slow movement and silently hoped that he was a bit more limber in the air. "Its really neat though, I promise," she continued as he made his way towards her. "Like nothing you've ever seen, or felt, before!" He took another step and was finally to where she stood.

She guided his shoulders and positioned him at the window, "Ready? You'll have to follow my lead."

"Of course," he exclaimed. His tone had become more exuberant.

Kennedy smiled reassuringly at him over her shoulder and then leaped out of the window. She tried to focus, but something was noticeably different this time. She was gaining speed, falling faster and faster downwards.

"Oh Ralphy, no!" She screamed, her voice piercing the air around her.

But it was too late. She hit the ground. The last thing she heard was the deafening crack as Ralphy's body collided with grass and dirt beside her.

It was all pain.

She wiggled her toes, then her fingers. She must still be alive. "Ralphy?" She whispered, her voice hoarse.

"She's awake," Kennedy recognized the revealed voice of her brother.

"Where's Ralphy?" She asked again.

"She must have hit her head pretty hard. You may as well swing by the ER just in case."

That must be groundskeeper, her vision was coming back in focus. She looked anxiously around her but saw no sign of the red tee-shirt anywhere.

"C'mon Kenny, lets get you home," her brother said. She let him hoist her up, one arm under hers.

They were almost to the car when she heard the sound of laughter ringing in the sky above her. She strained her neck upwards. Above her was a small dot of blue and red circling and looping. Flying strong and happy.

One Last Hurrah

I swear I saw your face on that Tuesday in Albuquerque. I was driving with my feet up on the dashboard of my car. You were running through the red and gold right behind me.I left you gazing and waiting for the water to fall.

We were standing with our signs up on the picket line, cursing winter's last hurrah. I swore right then that you'd mean everything to me, till the sun goes out and bids us both away

We're not Giving Up

Once again you tried the water, its to cold I just can't follow you in. If I'm a parrot then you're kryptonite who's blood has run to thin. What's more I'm bored with your assumptions and your actualities. You crave ambitions so just leave your house and see

Flying Model Rockets

"It seems like you have some good stories to tell."

"I am brimming with them," I said with my hands buried in my pockets, "By the way, I used to drive a Ford Escort. I loved that car."

He smiled sheepishly at his little silver car, "Yeah, its been pretty good."

When I sat down in the drivers seat of my car, I turned my engine over and slipped his cd into my cd player. My heart twisted into a knot, I was driving away, I met a boy with a passionate voice and I still felt a pull towards the corner of Pawtucket and School Street.

Everyone was asleep and the house was dark so I laid down on the couch. Nothing happened.

Before I knew it, my father's light clicked on and I heard him get into the shower. There was no point in pretending anymore so I got up and made myself ready to take my dad to the bus stop. It was 4:30 AM.

I don't sleep at all without you by my side.

Revisionist

I write mostly melodramas: lies and elaborations, normal things for whiny (wishy-washy) people.

One afternoon I drove to Kennsington and parked at the "little-people" park and playground. I pulled up, turned my headlights off and sat for a few moments, watching a little boy on a swing. I had promised Tyler that I would meet him but he wasn't home yet. I was stalling. It was July 3rd.

My car was filling with stuffy air so I decided to step outside. I was closing my door when I noticed a small pathway through the woods off to my right. I trotted over eagerly and began to follow it. It took me down a steep hill and ended with water. I sat down and hugged my knees:

This one time, Shaun Harle jumped into the freezing cold Paper Mill Pond to try and save someones life.

I'm a pertinacious, un-original, asshole/bitch.
But I'm going to change the world.
Maybe I'll visit you in Kennsington someday.