Now my lip is bruised from trying to choke it back. I hate how ugly they make me look. I hate the shade of crimson my eyes turn. This is truly isolation, not even being able to call someone who could talk some sense into you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
But I almost really believed that you would be there to talk to me when I got back. I was almost looking forward to it.
I wonder it has something to do with the holes in my sneakers. When I walk through the rain, the water gets stuck between the rubber of my sole. I skip over puddles, and tip-toe down sidewalks, but my feet are always wet, and I am always cold.
Or maybe its the hair in my face. Its so shaggy I can move it from side to side. I can hide behind it in class. I use it as a pillow, as a place saver: "My Armor," Jeffy might have said once.
I'm not watching him scream bloody murder in a parking lot in Lowell. I'm dreaming of the mountains, and of moving home to Asheville.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Breakfast Cerial Enthusiasts
The only time I've ever seen Luke run, is for the puddle before the canal bridge on Pawtucket Street. He waits for a gap in traffic, braces himself, then sprints past it. If he didn't, he would surely be soaked by the tidal wave that the passing cars spin up.
It reminds me of driving to Oak Grove in my red car, 17 years old. By the time I had walked to the T, it was pouring rain and I showed up to work soaked, hardly saved by a stranger's shared umbrella. I went home early that day anyways.
My job was so safe, my life was so certain.
Now I'm choking back tears so Paul wont hear me cry over a cellphone, over my limited capacity to understand accounting. Maybe I'll see things different when the sun comes out. Every day that it gets pushed back, my head hurts, my heart yearns.
Its a long way down from the branch where everything is balanced. I'm eating chex out of sandwich bag on the way to class wearing a purple rain jacket. It looks like someone spilled milk on the sidewalk, or maybe that's just Lowell.
It reminds me of driving to Oak Grove in my red car, 17 years old. By the time I had walked to the T, it was pouring rain and I showed up to work soaked, hardly saved by a stranger's shared umbrella. I went home early that day anyways.
My job was so safe, my life was so certain.
Now I'm choking back tears so Paul wont hear me cry over a cellphone, over my limited capacity to understand accounting. Maybe I'll see things different when the sun comes out. Every day that it gets pushed back, my head hurts, my heart yearns.
Its a long way down from the branch where everything is balanced. I'm eating chex out of sandwich bag on the way to class wearing a purple rain jacket. It looks like someone spilled milk on the sidewalk, or maybe that's just Lowell.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Hello Stranger
I'm searching for rooms in different states...keyword 'vegan.' Somewhere bigger: I'm too big for my bathtub, to small for my jeans.
I'll bring a pillow for your head and my feet. I'll curse block lettering. I'll skip class, and homework, and...oh god, I'm not transitioning well are I? What am I? A student, or a traveler?
If it is going to disappear, maybe I should too? I am ever going to be happy in one place? Will I ever settle?
Maybe its the rain, or the real estate prices in the Carolina's. Maybe its the contempt I feel when I tell someone I don't feel right, or the overwhelming complacency from all of my friends. I could give up my car, be happy doing some shit job. Is this degree even necessary? Or should I just start my life...
College has given me direction, but my compass is out of whack. What part of this country needs me, and do I yet have the tools to do what I need to? Or is it just the vision?
I'll bring a pillow for your head and my feet. I'll curse block lettering. I'll skip class, and homework, and...oh god, I'm not transitioning well are I? What am I? A student, or a traveler?
If it is going to disappear, maybe I should too? I am ever going to be happy in one place? Will I ever settle?
Maybe its the rain, or the real estate prices in the Carolina's. Maybe its the contempt I feel when I tell someone I don't feel right, or the overwhelming complacency from all of my friends. I could give up my car, be happy doing some shit job. Is this degree even necessary? Or should I just start my life...
College has given me direction, but my compass is out of whack. What part of this country needs me, and do I yet have the tools to do what I need to? Or is it just the vision?
Monday, March 29, 2010
There Are No Bike Punks in Miami
"What does it take to get one of those little yellow lights down there?" I would certainly say if I was a bird flying high above the greater Miami area.
When I was 14, I was reading a fantasy novel on an airplane inbound Miami International Airport, my family on either side of me. I was scratching my neck because the stagnant air irritated me. Someone should have given me Dramamine (then I wouldn't be crying in your arms right now). I woke up sunburned on the beach.
I'm 19 and I can do things by myself, like reserve an airplane ticket. I could call anyone, just to hear the contempt in their voice, but I'm calling Joe, just to hear his accent...and maybe to pretend that I'm 300 miles to the north.
I'm probably just bitter at the cost of a sandwich or the lack of vegan choices in a place so full of glamor. It might have been too loud to take a good nap on South Beach. It may be too crowded in paradise for me to see the beauty. Isn't it the people that make a location so great?
When I was 14, I was reading a fantasy novel on an airplane inbound Miami International Airport, my family on either side of me. I was scratching my neck because the stagnant air irritated me. Someone should have given me Dramamine (then I wouldn't be crying in your arms right now). I woke up sunburned on the beach.
I'm 19 and I can do things by myself, like reserve an airplane ticket. I could call anyone, just to hear the contempt in their voice, but I'm calling Joe, just to hear his accent...and maybe to pretend that I'm 300 miles to the north.
I'm probably just bitter at the cost of a sandwich or the lack of vegan choices in a place so full of glamor. It might have been too loud to take a good nap on South Beach. It may be too crowded in paradise for me to see the beauty. Isn't it the people that make a location so great?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Tour Pt.9
Tour Self Portrait/Going Home.
I'm back in my dorm room. Its been 4 days since I've showered. I'm tired, I have homework to do but I've been editing pictures all day, reliving our east-coast tour. Undoubtedly, we'll be on the road again soon, doing some kind of similar route. We're releasing a split 7" with the Gnarly Whales, which we will be touring to support.
We played in New Brunswick, New Jersey last night with the Frontbottoms. They played in Lowell a little while ago and I coordinated with Brian to set a show up. They are so good. Tyler and I agreed, Brian has a really interesting way of describing things in his lyrics. They have awesome energy. I hope they come back to Lowell soon.
After we left Virginia Beach, we got to drive over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge/Tunnel. The Eastern Shore is a weird area of the country. That's where Purdue murders Chickens. People become slaves to Purdue when they agree to raise chickens for them. They take out extensive loans to build the chicken houses and pay gigantic percentages of their income to Purdue in order to pay off the loans. Any updates or maintenance is payed for by the Chicken Farmer and anything done out of line puts them at risk for breaching their contract. Its like share-cropping, except completely condoned by the government (mostly cause Purdue is far more wealthy than the US gov). Its a land of old plantation homes, with acres and acres in between each one. I suppose they feel awfully isolated from the rest of the state out there. There is also a lot of poverty around there and I get the feeling it is the beginning of a corporate takeover.
On a lighter note, it was a really beautiful drive. I was sad to be heading north, away from all of our new friends and wonderful memories. I really hope that some of the bands we played with on tour will make it up our way. I know we're both dying to help people out.
I feel like we were the witness to the birth of some wonderful things for music on the east coast. I have my fingers crossed for the continued success of Internationalist Books, The Hangar, The Great Valley, Artman's Skate/Arcade, The Bathhouse and everyone else who helps make music accessible to everyone. Music builds communities and changes lives. Tyler and I are the luckiest people in the world to be able to tour and bring our music around the country. We wouldn't be able to do it without the communities that welcome us so warmly.
I don't want to be here in my dorm room. It's true that I would rather be on the road, but when I think about WUML, Mt.Vernsworth, the Sockhop, the Ant Cellar, Lowell and Behold, and all the fantastic things that are happening in Lowell, Massachusetts, I realize that we are no different then the places I mentioned above. We are community of people who love music. We want to hear it in Lowell, we want to make it in Lowell. This is our place, and our time to do what so many people around this country SHOULD be doing. There will always be a place for musicians to play in Lowell, and so long as I reside here, there will always be a warm meal and a floor for touring bands to sleep on.
That's all for now. Thanks again to everyone who helped make this tour a success. We weren't disappointed in a single show. I can't wait to hit the road again.
I'm back in my dorm room. Its been 4 days since I've showered. I'm tired, I have homework to do but I've been editing pictures all day, reliving our east-coast tour. Undoubtedly, we'll be on the road again soon, doing some kind of similar route. We're releasing a split 7" with the Gnarly Whales, which we will be touring to support.
We played in New Brunswick, New Jersey last night with the Frontbottoms. They played in Lowell a little while ago and I coordinated with Brian to set a show up. They are so good. Tyler and I agreed, Brian has a really interesting way of describing things in his lyrics. They have awesome energy. I hope they come back to Lowell soon.
After we left Virginia Beach, we got to drive over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge/Tunnel. The Eastern Shore is a weird area of the country. That's where Purdue murders Chickens. People become slaves to Purdue when they agree to raise chickens for them. They take out extensive loans to build the chicken houses and pay gigantic percentages of their income to Purdue in order to pay off the loans. Any updates or maintenance is payed for by the Chicken Farmer and anything done out of line puts them at risk for breaching their contract. Its like share-cropping, except completely condoned by the government (mostly cause Purdue is far more wealthy than the US gov). Its a land of old plantation homes, with acres and acres in between each one. I suppose they feel awfully isolated from the rest of the state out there. There is also a lot of poverty around there and I get the feeling it is the beginning of a corporate takeover.
On a lighter note, it was a really beautiful drive. I was sad to be heading north, away from all of our new friends and wonderful memories. I really hope that some of the bands we played with on tour will make it up our way. I know we're both dying to help people out.
I feel like we were the witness to the birth of some wonderful things for music on the east coast. I have my fingers crossed for the continued success of Internationalist Books, The Hangar, The Great Valley, Artman's Skate/Arcade, The Bathhouse and everyone else who helps make music accessible to everyone. Music builds communities and changes lives. Tyler and I are the luckiest people in the world to be able to tour and bring our music around the country. We wouldn't be able to do it without the communities that welcome us so warmly.
I don't want to be here in my dorm room. It's true that I would rather be on the road, but when I think about WUML, Mt.Vernsworth, the Sockhop, the Ant Cellar, Lowell and Behold, and all the fantastic things that are happening in Lowell, Massachusetts, I realize that we are no different then the places I mentioned above. We are community of people who love music. We want to hear it in Lowell, we want to make it in Lowell. This is our place, and our time to do what so many people around this country SHOULD be doing. There will always be a place for musicians to play in Lowell, and so long as I reside here, there will always be a warm meal and a floor for touring bands to sleep on.
That's all for now. Thanks again to everyone who helped make this tour a success. We weren't disappointed in a single show. I can't wait to hit the road again.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Tour Pt.8
Car Troubles/Sunburns:
We got up at 5 this morning to drive to Virginia Beach from Paisley, Florida. Tyler slept for the first couple of hours while I drove. I like driving in the early morning when nobody is on the road. The sun was rising as we went through Jacksonville on Rt.9A. We finished our Mary Higgens Clark novel. It was about a wealthy New Jersey estate and a few connected murders. Of course, the last person we expected was guilty of all the crimes.
In South Carolina, we got off the highway and coasted up the hill. Tyler looked at the dashboard and said, "oh my god, the car is off." I didn't panic...my red car did that once, "Okay, just turn it back on." When he tried the engine didn't turn over.
This was the beginning of a 4 hour adventure. My timing belt had broken, and the men at the garage told us it would be a while. We spent the time writing music. I'm glad Tyler wasn't freaking out. Bubaloo is my baby. She is my wheels... my independence: everywhere I want to go, and everywhere I need to be. I thought about how much I wish we were closer to Greenville when we broke down.
We thought we would have to cancel our show, but we made it to Virginia Beach. When we walked in, everyone clapped. It was good to be out of the car, and good to play our instruments.
Everyone here rules! We played with Folk the System, and now we're staying at Rusty's house. They have a snake, 2 dogs, and 2 cats. Jack, is a humongous cat. Lydia, and Jane are the doggies (Jane is a pitbull/border collie mix.... ridiculously cute). The also have a snake, Michelle. She hung out with me while I wrote most of this.
We're going up to New Jersey tomorrow. We have to get the oil topped off cause they lost a little oil in the process of fixing my car. Its idling a little funny, but running pretty smoothly regardless.
Okay I'm sleepy and I'm having fun...Goodnight!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tour Pt.7
Porter, Tyler, and I hanging out before our 5 hour nap.
I finally felt tired today. We drove from Orlando to Umatilla Florida, the town where Florida's Natural is packaged and manufactured. I hate factories, and now I'm afraid to drink orange juice (Especially after this kid Chad told us horror stories about new workers falling into the vats..yuck).
Artman's is wicked cool though. This guy Art opened a skate-shop and arcade in a town that has absolutely nothing going in it. Porter and Andrew from the Gnarly Whales approached him about doing shows there and he agreed. I'd consider him a convert in the effort of making local music accessible to everyone. The young people that go to his arcade also attend the few shows that have happened there. He enthusiastically told Tyler and I his plans for expansion, and how he wanted more music there. If there is a place to play, people will want to play. I think he is doing a great service to the town.
Tomorrow Tyler and I drive 13 hours to Virginia Beach. That is our longest drive. Porter made us linguini and vegetables tonight after our drive to Paisley from Umatilla. We'll have to get up at 5 AM tomorrow. I can muster, but I know Tyler will be sleepy. Not that that is a bad thing. Tyler and I complement each other's strengths and weakness'. This is why we make such a streamlined, efficient, and totally awesome team. I know I have the energy and optimism to pull through for the next couple of long days that we have.
I will write tomorrow, in whatever sleepy haze I am in!
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